A Letter...

Dear Porter,

As I sat in your rocking chair holding you close the other day, I thought of the many things I wanted to tell you. We rocked for an hour or so, your little body so relaxed in my arms, I couldn't help but be so grateful for you. I love you my little boy, I don't think I could ever tell you how much. I love being your mamma. You have brought me more joy than I ever thought one little person could! I want you to know that I prayed for you, and I still pray for you. I prayed for you before you were born. I prayed for you to be happy and to be healthy. I prayed that we would one day be able to hold you. You took your time coming to us. You see your daddy and I wanted you to be with us much sooner. We cried together, hoping that one day you would be more than just a dream, we visited doctors trying everything to bring you here. I remember perfectly the day that I found out you were coming to us. I cried happy, thankful tears. I couldn't wait to tell your daddy that you would join us in just 9 months. Your daddy cried too.

Those 9 months didn't go by very quickly. All the growing you needed to do made me sick for a little while, and tired too. But your daddy was there to help me the whole time. The day you were born was one of the happiest days of my life. The doctors put you right in my arms and I couldn't believe you were here with us. It was truly a miracle. I held you close and you snuggled right in. I was so happy to finally meet you. You have grown so much since then. Your little giggles always make me smile, I laugh when you laugh. I love you my little boy.  I hope you will always know how loved you are, and how wanted you are. I pray every day for you. I pray for you to be healthy, I pray for you to be happy, and I pray that I might know how to take care of you.

I'm not the best mom, it's still new to me, but I'm learning. I've had lots of help too. Your Nanny and Gramma have been here lots taking care of me and you. Your daddy helps as much as he can, and more than most daddies. He works hard to keep us safe and secure. You are lucky to have such an awesome dad. I think you know that though. He's your buddy. He makes you laugh the most and the hardest. You always have a big smile when you haven't seen him for a while. I know you'll be good friends.

Don't grow too fast little man. I want to enjoy every minute. If I get frustrated with you from time to time, I hope you forgive me. This being a mom thing is hard. Just know that I love you, and I will always love you. You are such a kind little spirit. Already I know how much you care. When other babies cry, you cry too. It's like you know they are hurting and it makes you sad. Always keep that kindness. The world out here isn't always a kind one, but you can help make it a little brighter.

I love you little boy. I'll always be here for you, to take care of you, hug you, laugh with you and snuggle you. You can tell me anything. Your daddy and I love you so very much. You are one of the greatest blessings in our lives.

Be good little man, grow big and strong. Keep that kindness you have now. One day, hopefully, if all goes right, you'll have a baby brother or sister to share your journey with.

Love,

Mommy

Newborn Photos

As soon as we had Porter I knew that I wanted some newborn pictures taken of him. I'm not the biggest fan of the artistic style photos (you know the ones where the baby is wrapped really tight and put in a basket). They are cool, just not for me. I like the kind that are real, the kind that actually happen in life. So we asked a brilliant photographer Jennie to take some photos for us. She had taken our Anniversary photos and I loved all of them so she was my first pick! She is amazing and if you are in Calgary and want some photos I highly recommend her!

Check out her website: http://www.guenardphotography.com

Here are some favourites! 

(Soo almost all the ones we have, since they are pretty much all my favourite)

Little feet.

Our life currently.

Daddy admiring his new best friend.

We are a happy family. 

Porter on the quilt his Mamma made for him.

He loves me, can't you tell?

And then he got hungry.

Little hands.

Summa Summa Summatime...

I LOVE SUMMER! I wish I had one of those jobs that you got to take the summer off.. you know like a teacher.. or a person who owns a snowboarding shop.. Just to be  able to have the whole summer off to just lounge around and sit on a beach somewhere... (not that teachers really get to do that) Wouldn't that be great?!

Soo this past week I started a crazy diet... (well not crazy as in cut out all carbs or don't eat anything that has red food colouring--I don't think the food colouring one actually exists..) but one of those diets to balance out hormones and get your body in to the balance it's supposed to be in. Well it's hard.. like really hard.. it was only day 3 when I started craving some delicious chocolate.. or ice cream.. or cookies.. or candy.. really just anything that isn't good in the first place. So I thought I would put my diet out to the world.. I need to be held accountable and this I figured is one way for people I know to know that I am doing this and (maybe) keep me in check.. I think it helps to know that other people are watching what you do too! As I sit here eating my Spinich and Berry Salad with some sort of vinaigrette dressing I really am tempted to ditch the whole thing and buy a Big Mac.. or something else disgustingly unhealthy.

One other thing I am really wanting to try is the 30-day Shred.. with the trainer from the Biggest Loser (yeah she seems pretty hardcore). I bought the DVD the other day and I will be heading out those efforts probably today... because really you can only ever start things on a Monday. You know maybe that is why Monday is the most HATED day ever!

Well my life has been pretty busy and fun these past couple of months. I went to Vegas with my Mother-in-Law in May and had an awesome time spending way more money than I should and enjoying some much needed sunshine. Then June 15th I went to Arizona for the first time. I went down to see my sister and help her family pack up the house and also help her fly back to Calgary with her 4 kids. My BFF Brigitta came with me. (On a side note I went both of these places without Matt and he was a little more than a bit miffed)--I think my husband works too much. Arizona is hot! Seriously.. that's the hottest I have ever felt in my entire life.. I am pretty sure on multiple occasions I told my sister I was melting, literally. Arizona is also, not very pretty... I expected more. Maybe it's a different kind of pretty (a line my mom used to say to me when I would get discouraged as a teen by the beautiful people in the world that I could never live up to). I think I just didn't realize that it's really too hot for anything to grow without great help! It was a really good trip. It felt like years since I had been able to see my sister and talk to her for more than 5 minutes on the phone. I seriously suck at talking on the phone. It was really good to see her and her awesome family. They are back in Calgary and it makes me soo happy to have them close! 


I also made a very tough decision this past month. I quit working as a Dental Hygienist. I actually quite enjoyed cleaning teeth, it's the people that got me down. Ever since I was a teenager I had anxiety issues and going through school for Hygiene made them worse. The teachers were not always nice, you were terrified during every clinic that you were going to fail every single thing, and the teachers made it seem like 1 failure in any part was a huge deal! I had multiple occasions where I came to tears (really that's not a hard thing for me to do considering all my emotions are tied to my tear ducts-even anger). But I gave working a really good run. I tried for 2 years to enjoy what I had spent money, time, blood, sweat and tears on to no avail. So finally at the end of May I sat down with Matt and talked about it. This was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do so far in my life. I had to give up on this part of my life, and I am not a quitter! I felt like I was letting everyone that had supported me down. I felt like my parents would be disappointed and that my husband would be upset about the loss of income. It took a lot of guts for me but I finally decided to do it. If something makes you miserable, isn't it better to eliminate it if you can? Well I don't quite know what career I will be taking in the future, hopefully stay-at-home mom some day but until then I am working in an office (I think I'm pretty good at this) and trying to figure out what in life makes me happy. I wanted to write this in case my parents read my blog.
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Dear Mom & Dad, 

I want you guys to know that I love you! I appreciate how hard you had to work to put me through school. I am grateful for the support and help you gave me financially, emotionally and mentally. You were a great driving force in getting me through and I promise it didn't go to waste. I want to thank you for raising me with values that help to lead me to my wonderful husband. You showed me that I deserved to be treated right. I am so grateful that you raised me in a church that showed me the value of families. I am grateful to have you both and I look forward to getting to know you better as an adult (yikes.. I'm an adult). I hope you are not disappointed in my choice but I understand if you are. I love you very much and I am grateful to have you in my life.

Love, 

Emily

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Alright enough sappiness. I apologize for the randomness but such is life! Enjoy summertime! Get out there and soak up some sun for me!

Peace and blessins! Peace and blessins. 

(if you don't know what that is from you are missing out so click here)


Happy Monday (if there is such a thing!)

Emily